Articles: 8 tips for handling workplace conflict
From June 4, 1998 issue of Managing School Business

Most people feel conflict is bad and avoid dealing with it. That can lead to a lot more conflict. The first big step to handling conflict more professionally is to recognize that conflict is normal.

If you have a relationship with someone you will have conflict. No matter how good the relationship is, expect to have conflict because you will. I have an incredible, wonderful relationship with the woman of my dreams. We celebrated our 30th wedding anniversary in May. We constantly work to improve our relationship and we still have conflict occasionally! We also have learned how to face up to it and minimize it.

Following are some key ideas to help you do a better job coping with conflict, and more importantly, facing up to it.

1. Change your attitude
   First recognize that there is a lot to be gained by being open to conflict and taking action in response to it. Conflict is good for a school district. It helps to:

• Measure unrest in a community or inside the organization
• Measure interest in a topic/issue
• Point out blind spots in programs
• Identify poor administrators or other staff people
• Show where you have failed as a leader or as an organization to listen to others

2. Administrators need to face up to conflict
   Conflict should be dealt with right away. Problems usually do not go away when ignored. When you avoid conflict or put off dealing with it, it often grows to crisis which must be dealt with. It is much easier to deal with small problems than with crisis.
   
   Become accomplished as a mediator to help others work through problems. A mediator encourages people to talk and describe what's wrong. The mediator sets ground rules. An important rule: one side talks while the other listens without interruption; then the other side talks. Often conflict continues because each side constantly tells their view without listening to the other.
   
3. Do not try to control people
   Overuse of control (win-lose) as a response to conflict builds resentment, a desire to get even, and too often "going postal."
   
4. The role of consensus builder is an extremely important leadership role
   A consensus builder listens to people and builds relationships. The goal is to create understanding and work with people, not against them. Many times leaders are so rushed and overloaded with paperwork that they forget to slow down and spend time with people. Leadership cannot be practiced alone in your office shuffling papers. Leadership is practiced in the presence of others. A leader inspires and leads people. Here are some recommendations for becoming a consensus builder:

• Do not sell or persuade people, build relationships
• Do not try to convert others to your way of thinking
• Create understanding, not conversion

5. Face-to-face communication helps solve problems
   Sending information in print appeals to intellect. With conflict, you must also deal with feelings. Resist the urge to overuse one-way communication techniques, whether on paper or electronically. There are so many ways communication can break down, you should be astounded if you ever get a message across to another person that is understood 100 percent.
   
   An administrator I work with is dealing with a lot of conflict on her staff. She recently said: "What bothers me is people think they have communicated!"
   
6. Keep in touch!
   One of the greatest dangers is cutting off communication when dealing with an angry employee, parent or a pressure group inside or outside the organization.
   
7. Listen
   Learning to listen both passively and actively is essential to managing conflicts. It is important to teach this skill to others, especially supervisors and other administrators. One of the reasons people get angry and protest is because they think no one is listening to them.
   
   In surveys about good bosses, employees say the reason their bosses were good bosses was because "they listened to me." Some things to remember:

• Seek to fully understand opposing viewpoints
• Do not strike out immediately to oppose or take sides; it polarizes conflicting positions, making communication difficult
• Communicate as if a problem is shared, not just "their" problem
• Be aware of your feelings and keep them under control
• When conflict becomes intense and emotions strong, sometimes a break is helpful to allow emotions to cool
• Focus on issues, not people
• Find those things you can agree on

8. Create feedback sessions
   Help people talk about what bothers them. Encourage them to solve their own problems. Get people to list "Dumb things I have to do at school" and then eliminate as many of them as possible.

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Jack Pyle is a consultant specializing in building trust by improving face-to-face communication. He has helped countless superintendents, principals and other professionals in many fields to project their leadership potential and communicate more effectively face-to-face. For 30 years, he developed and managed public relations programs for Shell Oil, Dow Chemical, General Motors and the Michigan Department of Transportation. He frequently speaks at state, national and international conferences.

» Contact Jack Pyle for information.

Face to Face Matters, Inc. 1560 Little Lake Drive #16 Ann Arbor, MI 48103 517-243-3223